What do tiny pancakes, fake Khloé, and birth order theories have in common?
A highly specific ode to the internet rabbit holes that own me
This is episode 17 of my mini series: ‘Office Hours’ which shares a listicle look at what’s in my notes app & on my mind. You can expect these on Saturdays, with the exception of the last weekend in the month which is reserved for my monthly unfiltered column. These will be under 5 minutes to read or listen to.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
The kind who open social media to “quickly check something”
And the kind who realize (an hour later) they’ve just watched six home renovations, twelve miniature food tutorials, and a Virgo sun unpack for a cruise.
I want to be the first one. But I am the second kind.
It took me a while to get here. As a content creator myself, social media is rarely my escape and ends up feeling more like work, even when I’m mindlessly scrolling. It’s a running list of things I should film, should post about, or should edit. But lately I’ve added more barriers around my work hours and take the weekends off of social, so when it’s time to mindlessly scroll I’ve found my particular pieces of poison.
I’m not proud of the screen time. But I am impressed by the range. So in the spirit of transparency, here are the oddly specific genres of internet content I could consume like a bowl of Lesser Evil Popcorn: quickly, mindlessly, and with no plans to stop.
1. 🐻 Cute food designs for littles
I know my daughter is going to pick off the bow and cry because her bear pancake is “smiling weird,” but I will still watch every video of a mom using kitchen tweezers to position chocolate chip eyes just so. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to it and you may peruse it here, no judgment. I’m talking bear toast. Cat-shaped rice balls. Lunchboxes that look like Studio Ghibli bento masterpieces. Art. Culinary. Wholesome. Worthless in real life. I’m obsessed.
2. 🧳 Packing content for specific body types
If you are making a “10 days in Italy with only 10 pieces of clothing: pear-shaped edition” video, just know that I’ve already saved it, commented “omg needed this,” and will absolutely forget it exists when I finally go on said trip.
This category also includes capsule wardrobes, day-to-night transformations, and “how to make linen pants look intentional on a humid day.” I don’t even own most of these pieces. But I believe I could.
3. 💅 Kardashian parody accounts.
Let me be clear: Yuri Lamasbella tapping her post-it nails as Khloé is performance art. She gets the cadence, the nasal breath, the pursed lips. I could watch her recreate “Okurrrr” 900 times and it would never get old. This is the one kind of Kardashian content I consume without guilt. This is my cinema. 🫶 Follow Yuri here and thank me later.
4. 🎨 Watching people draw. No notes.
There’s something about watching someone sketch a landscape with a pen that makes me feel like I could. I love watching Elaine Lee, she is my muse. She draws these beautiful fashion illustrations, city scenes, and delicate flowers and I swear, I almost bought an online art course while standing in line at Costco. It’s the kind of content that makes your nervous system exhale. I love it.
5. 🏺DIY home before-and-afters that I could never, ever do.
Do I have the time, tools, or upper body strength to rip out a backsplash and refinish 120-year-old wood? No. Am I deeply invested in the time-lapse of someone else doing it while wearing white linen overalls and holding a LaCroix? Yes. I love a good “$15 Facebook Marketplace find becomes Anthropologie dupe” moment. These videos always start with “So I found this dresser for free” and end with “and now it lives in my entryway and holds my mail and sense of self-worth.” Incredible arc. Kylie Katich is my absolute favorite!
6. 👯 Birth order personality analysis.
If you say “first-born daughters are basically unpaid interns of the family,” I’m clicking. If you say “youngest children just want to vibe,” I’m sharing it with my siblings. I don’t care how pseudo-scientific it is: I believe all of it. Eldest daughters deserve reparations. Middle children are social chameleons.
Only children are 40-year-olds in a 10-year-old’s body. Every time I see one of these, I send it to a group chat with the caption “WHY IS THIS US.” Also: youngest daughters in girl-only households? I see you. We are spiritual twins.
7. 🤳 Long-winded explanations of long-winded story series
Did I watch the entire “Who TF Did I Marry” series? Yes, but not before watching multiple breakdowns of the series first.
God bless the explainers. The ones who watched all 59 parts of a series and gave us the dramatic arc in one 6-minute monologue. It’s like SparkNotes for gossip. I prefer it to the original most of the time.
Shoutout to Reesa Teesa for the original, she is an exceptional storyteller. Shoutout to internet commentary for giving me the stamina to start.
The internet is mostly noise. But when it hits right, when it taps into that niche obsession or hyper-specific scenario, it feels like a friend holding your face and saying, “You’re not weird. You’re just doomscrolling.”
So tell me, what’s your algorithm feeding you lately? What are your oddly specific obsessions? Drop a link. I’m always looking for a new spiral.
Can you do me a favor? If you like this, will you hit the heart ❤️ at the bottom of your email? I pinky promise it helps me and will only take you a second!
Hey Simply,
I read your post about Adult Acne breakouts and it was so helpful. I’m starting to see breakouts on my body (presumably from the summer heat & sweat) do you have any tips on body breakouts and how to manage those?
Signed,
Miss Strapless Tops
Oh Miss Strapless Tops
I was so here a few weeks ago. I think there’s something in the air that makes all of us see more body breakouts in warmer months. I’ll share the combination that made the biggest difference for me.
Similarly enough, the same products that work for your face can work for your body. Use a cleanser with Benzoyl Peroxide like this one (under $10) and apply it to your acne-prone areas for about 2 minutes in the shower. Keep on before rinsing.
Once you’re out. Take a cotton pad and apply this all over your breakout spots again (for me this happens a lot of my neck and chest, this is also safe for your face). Do this 2-3x a week and you should see a difference!
With love,
-Simply
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