Things I irrationally hate but can’t explain why

The little things that drive me crazy for no good reason

This is episode 24 of my mini series: ‘Office Hours’ which shares a listicle look at what’s in my notes app & on my mind. You can expect these on Saturdays, with the exception of the last weekend in the month which is reserved for my monthly unfiltered column. These will be under 5 minutes to read or listen to.

There are things in life that deserve your disdain, like people who don’t return shopping carts. And then there are the other things. The small, bizarre, oddly specific things that make my skin crawl for no reason at all.

These are things that, on paper, should be fine… yet I can’t stand them. They make my eye twitch.

Here’s my list of irrational hates: the ones I can’t justify, but will happily rant about anyway.

Things I Irrationally Hate but Can’t Explain Why

1. 🧱 Play Dough

I value being creative and I actually love playing with my daughter, so there’s no reason why I should hate play dough as much as I do. If it comes out in my home, my husband starts the bracelet factory because I literally can’t be bothered. It’s useless, dries in one use, and if someone combines multiple colors my blood will boil. It’s literally play dough, why am I like this??

2. 🎤 Alicia Keys

This one always gets me in trouble, so let me be clear: I do not dislike Alicia Keys as a person. She’s stunning, wildly talented, a cultural icon.

But something about her music makes me irrationally itchy. Maybe it’s the overly earnest ballads? Maybe it’s that “This Girl Is on Fire” has been used in one too many pharmaceutical commercials? I can’t explain it, but the skip button and I have an unbreakable bond whenever her music comes on.

3. 🍽️ Cleaning dirty dishes after taking a shower

Few things enrage me more. I’ve gone through the ritual: hot water, face mask, full reset. And then suddenly, all of the clean is gone when I’m scrubbing plates. It’s an instant undo button for the shower’s entire purpose.

Maybe this needs to be a listicle on its own. What are “clean girl chores” and what are “dirty girl chores”? Should we explore this?

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📰 In case you missed it…

The summer I said no to

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4. 🍌 The strings on a banana.

Bananas themselves? Fine. A healthy snack. But the moment one of those pale, stringy fibers sticks to the fruit like it has squatters’ rights, I’m out. It’s like nature tried to give us free dental floss and I refuse to accept it. Peel, toss, never look back.

5. 🤷‍♂️ Men in “wife-beater” tank tops

Again, the parts individually are fine. Tank tops? Sure. Men? Okay, I guess. But put them together and suddenly the vibe shifts into “I might start a bar fight with zero warning.” It’s the unofficial uniform of people who ask you to “guess how much I bench” within five minutes of meeting them. Hard pass. & Don’t get me started on the name.

6. 💺 Bouclé furniture

I know it photographs beautifully in Architectural Digest spreads. But in real life, bouclé feels like sitting on a fancy lint riddled sofas.

The fabric is rough in a way that manages to look cozy while betraying you the moment you sit down. It’s like they are selling pre-pilled furniture. A $3,000 chair should not give off lint roller energy.

7. 📺 Any movie with Jonah Hill in it

I know this is irrational, but we have a rule in my house that we don’t watch any movies with Jonah Hill in it. His face appearing on-screen instantly makes me want to leave.

I couldn’t explain it if I tried— he could be delivering the performance of his career, but my brain has already checked out. It’s like how some people can’t stand cilantro. Jonah Hill is my cilantro.

8. 🍇 Grapes with seeds

This feels like a scam. We solved this problem. Seedless grapes exist, and they are perfect. So why are seeded grapes still in circulation? Nothing ruins a juicy bite faster than biting into what feels like a pebble and then having to perform surgery mid-chew.

9. 🍳 Well-done eggs

Scrambled eggs cooked to dust are one of life’s cruelest betrayals. The yolk should be creamy, a little glossy, something that whispers, “comfort food.” A well-done egg? It’s chalky. It squeaks against your teeth. It’s basically rubber. It’s breakfast’s version of bad small talk— you’re eating it because you have to, not because you want to.

10. 🌸 Paper perfume samples

As if rubbing cardboard on your wrist is going to give you the real essence of “Paris at Midnight.” They never smell like the bottle. They crumble in your bag until you’re left with a confetti of fragrances you didn’t want. They’re not samples, they’re scented litter.

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These are the hills I will die on, irrational as they are. If you share even one of these hatreds, consider this proof we’d be excellent friends. Let me know in the comments. And if you don’t— don’t try to convince me otherwise. My brain has already logged these into the do not disturb folder. I can’t defend them, but I also can’t shake them.

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